Janet and Chris was one of my favorite couples because they were not afraid to be honest and lay everything out on the table. I would say that Janet was a professional who was more logical about things, and Chris was a man who was quite a bit on the not so much logical but whatever works type of guy and was not as driven. Janet constantly complained that Chris was just too damn selfish in addition; he was very sensitive about issues when discussed in situations.
One thing that Janet mentioned that got my attention was that; Chris could not deal with Janet being more successful and being the center of attention all the time. She added “It’s not my fault people like being around me”. It’s very sad how many couples are so caught up in being better than the other, or secretly jealous of the other individual success. Chris, on the other hand thought because Janet had this type of personality, that she wanted to take his role instead of a woman’s role in the household. It is so sad how men feel just because a woman is driven that they are making him seem small. To be honest, most of the time, they do not need women to do that for them. In reality, men do a good job of doing this themselves. Janet mentioned that sometimes in arguments that Chris would curse at her call her out of her name. In my opinion if a man calls you out of your name in an argument he does not respect you.
When I found out this information, the one thing I asked myself was why are you still there? Did it not offend you that he called you out of your name? Then I thought it may be something that the driven professional woman conforms too. For example, in some professions women have to be hard breadwinners, a lot of times these women are dealing with a male chauvinistic kind. I am sure women who are lawyers are called all types of names in their field just as doctors, judges, and police officers are. These women tolerate this because it is their job. The problem is they look at everything they do as a job! That explains why some women accept their better half calling them out of their name and feel that this behavior is normal.
To these women this is not a relationship it’s strictly a job. They go home, cook,clean, do laundry, and then try to make themselves get prepared for the job of managing the kids and sex. On the other hand, Chris has mentioned he has no voice; it’s not that he has no voice, it’s just that you have disrespected the woman so much anything you have to say does not matter. As a woman in a strong profession, she does what is considered a normal reaction and ignore the comments and plan a tactic to get back to prove her point. So do we have a problem? Sure we do! Both parties are trying to find their place and in addition, the man is trying to learn how can he fit with such a polished woman on their side.
It scares a man to know his wife or girlfriend is more advance in the work field. The thing is Chris probably grew up mostly around women, so he does not know how to be a man if they never were around. In addition, seeing bad men in your life or not having one around, causes a man to follow the wrong path when it comes to being a real man. They feel like they have to prove something or fight because they did not feel manly in their younger years. When you become a man stay away from mama’s house and keep mama out your business if, you want respect. What I hate the most is for a man to say, “I need you to let me be a man” when you feel the need to complain because you’re not getting enough attention.
Attention is for babies so what do you want to be? Do you want to be a baby or a man? Let’s be real! A man does what he needs to do and he is not afraid to ask his wife for help, he is not afraid to step out in the world and work, He does not have to be told by a woman to get off your lazy ass to take care of his wife or pay child support. I think before we ask something of others we need to make sure that we can do the job without being a baby and whining about it later. In my opinion, Chris and Janet need to get it together; First of all, if a woman can hold her own it’s only more to contribute to the household. Janet is driven, and Chris is scared to flourish.
Their relationship will not work out as long as it continues this way. They will continue to bump heads because one is not afraid to go for what they want, and the other is just a procrastinator and feels things should be handed to them. I blame Janet for staying in this type of thing knowing that she is way better than this. Women and men always seem to let someone slow them down from progressing because they think they have found the one. Well, I have news for you, what you thought you had never existed. It’s very important to keep in mind that no matter how much you feel you are compatible to someone, you find in life the truth is they may not be the one for you.
Please do not take this the wrong way, but most of the time when we get together with someone we do not give ourselves time to learn his or her middle name before having sex! I am just so sick and tired of these couples getting together and marrying within six months because they feel they have a connection, or because their biological clock is running out. I mean you really have to understand we have a connection with someone every single day! But that does not mean you marry them just because he or she likes the same food you do. To be honest, the reason you are making these decisions are simply because 1. You are lonely, 2. You probably are thinking with what is between your legs. 3. You feel no one else wants you.
To me this is just no way to determine real love. Men and women cheat daily and the fact is, they tell many women and men things they want to hear just to get them in bed. Once they have had their fun; they move on to the next. This type of behavior is a sickness! remember that too much of anything is considered an addiction. Why do you feel just because someone says they love you that they mean it? Was it something different or special they did when they said it? Let’s stick to the facts! Most men and women told you things just to get what they want; Most couples say after marriage everything changed, he or she does not romance me anymore.
He or she does not buy me flowers, and they seem not even to notice me. This is all true! The reason is that he or she knows that you are there and that they do not have to work for something that they know is guaranteed. The thing is, just because you are married does not mean that you stop doing things you use too. Also, you have to make sure the same things you required while dating remain your top priority when you’re married. Too many times I have seen many women and men marry individuals who cheated on them in the past just because they say they are sorry.Well, how do you know how sorry they were? Was it just because they were feeling frisky and felt they wanted to get back in the sheets with you? Or is it because they missed you and could not bear to be without you? Be careful! Most of the time people do things for their convenience, but as soon as they are upset, they will call you any and everything of horrible character.
They will go out, sleep with whoever they chose because in reality they only care about themselves. Think about it! When someone cheats they satisfy their personal needs, and they could care less of how the other person feels. In everything, you do you must know that there are boundaries. If you truly care for someone then there are just certain things that you just will not do to hurt them. I do not care how bad you may feel or how upset or hurt you are. There’s no reason to be called out of your name, abused physically or mentally. Most believe that because men are afraid to express their emotions, that when they argue they aim to hurt their partner. In some cases, this is true. However, I feel if you love someone with your all you would be willing to control yourself in these types of situations.
As I mentioned before, we sometimes have a selfish way about us that we do not think about others. Those who think of others rarely find themselves in the dog house for what they say to their partner. In addition, they seem to live happier and longer lives together; What most individuals fail to understand is that love comes from the heart and when you care you do better. The people in our lives that we grow to love are the most precious pieces of jewels we could ever have. So why give all your jewels away that you own, to rent a piece of jewelry that you cannot keep long-term? So you want to be a man? Act like one!
Jaquetta Stevens PhD.