Okay, My name is Sarah, I have posted this on many sites.... I felt like this would be a great place to put my own issues on . I just found this site today and I wanted to voice my concern... if there is anyone out there who has advice I really would appreciate it. Also I hope that Dr. J will also take the time to read... ok here it goes....
Every so often, I break out crying over this. I don't feel loved anymore. Ever since the blow up on Tuesday, he is barely speaking to me. He is abrupt when he does. He just hates me. He has no business, I did nothing wrong. The fight is over our daughter. She is 18 yrs old and mean and nasty. I mean, to an extreme. Academically, she was a top student graduating top of her class, National Merit, everything else. But emotionally, she is evil, mean, and nasty. She was evaluated and they say "Depressive Mood Disorder" but then it was added that there is a high chance it is bipolar disorder, but not sure of the cycling or not. However, her cruelty and nastiness goes beyond bipolar disorder. She gets violent. She is arrogant and feels entitled all the time. She has never had friends because she hates all girls. She rips in to them and tears them down. Last year, she ran away three times. But the way she ran away is what makes it seem more like mental illness than any sort of teen rebellion. She can be great and fine. Then other times, flip out and nasty. One time, she had called me from school upset over her SAT 2 score. Her SAT scores had been in the 700's but on the SAT 2 she got a 780 and a 580. The SAT 2 is needed for the more competitive schools such as Ivy League and others in that league. She had to sign on to her college board account to get them. Then she came home and was supposed to work on her application, they call it Common App now. You do it online. But she told my husband that I was withholding her scores and she had no idea what she had gotten. She started literally screaming and crying and cussing at me and pulling her hair out. She literally was grabbing at her hair and pulling it out. My husband brought her down the stairs and had her use his computer, trying to calm her down. But she said she had no way to get her scores. I said "she knows her scores and how to get them, she called me from school today after she signed on to college board and viewed them." At this, with her face red from raging, she ran out the front door. The ground was covered in ice and she was barefoot. She took off running and disappeared around the corner. That was last fall.
This fall, she is home. She never really completed the common app and just accepted at a local school that was below her abilities, because they gave her huge scholarships. But she got a nasty roommate who was violent and using drugs. She left the school (and we saw concrete evidence of what happened, so she was not lying). Other schools said if she did not matriculate, she could have her scholarship in full back at their schools. The other scholarships, except one, were not as good. So she left with the intent of going somewhere else in January.
But, she is being nasty and cruel again. It is not as bad so far as it was last year. But, she was calling me cuss words and tearing me down and calling me body gross (I am getting bigger with pregnancy) and left me in tears. Which I usually never cry over her nastiness as I am used to it, but I did this time, but out of her sight. My husband came down and told her to stop and she kept screaming at him that we were holding her prisoner and she just wants out and put up this act of begging to leave and us abusing her. He kept begging her to stay. I told my husband that he needs to deal with these issues and stop enabling her. I finally said, she is an adult. If she wants to take on adult responsibility to leave, then that is her choice, but stop begging her to stay. So, she suddenly took off, dashed to the door and out the door and around the corner. She had her shoes on. It was clear the dash out running away was planned that she put her shoes on before she ran. We do not wear shoes around our house. But, she did not take her purse or anything else.
So my husband became enraged at me. He says I should beg her to stay. No way! I am being abused by her and she is an adult! She was told a condition of staying here is not abusing anyone..oh. and no more running away. She has younger siblings who are seeing this and talking about it. This is very bad for everyone. He still maintains I should have done whatever it took to get her to stay. He is not holding her accountable at all.
I did eventually go get her back, but only because I found out she had gone to someone who was trying to steal her money. She did not have her ID but was trying to withdraw all the money from her bank account. After I got her back, she told us how this person was going to "protect" her and the person told her to take all the money out of the bank to protect it from me. My husband is STILL angry at me, and I have an abuser in my home abusing me emotionally and psychologically. So I am all alone here. He is putting her first, like he always does. I am tired of her being his golden child. Also..she is both of our child. I am not the step mother.
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