First of all, stay out of her reach. Second, get some simple ear plugs at a drugstore and, with your hair or a scarf, hide the fact that you’re wearing them.
Avoid her altogether whenever you can. You can study for school stuff in a library. Most of them have free computers you can use, too.
I suggest you at least tell a counselor or nurse at your school what’s going on with your mom. Other people need to know what’s going on so maybe they will help.
If your mom has a relative or friend she’s close to, then tell that person, if they don’t already know.
Be proactive—this means doing what you are supposed to at home before she gets pissed that whatever it is hasn’t been done.
If she’s hitting and screaming because she’s drunk or high on something, that’s not only abuse, it’s worse. You might consider 911. Messy as doing THAT is, your mom might get some help for HER problems, and you’ll get a break, maybe.
Doing nothing changes nothing. Those ear plugs are “Mack’s Pillow Soft”. Best used if you have a room to yourself with a lock on the door…just sayin’.
Call “Protective Services”, or whatever it’s called in your area. And it is an emergency. Just not the instant garden-variety variety where an overt and obvious injury requires the EMT’s or a trip to the nearest ER. Nope. This injury lives on and on throughout your life, slowly eating away whatever self-esteem you need in order to function in the world.
So..because I have been there, done that, I’m saying that you should never wait for time to blunt the impact by saying to yourself “See?? It wasn’t THAT bad, and she’s being nice right now”. As a child, I was slapped around, physically punished, and often the recipient of soul-destroying, heinous name-calling. After many decades and many hours on the couch, I have now evidently reached an oasis of sorts.
And I know how hard it is to call the authorities on an abusive parent, because I’ve been there too, not only the abuse part but the anxiety of reporting the person who is responsible for your needs while you are growing up. I don’t know how old you are, but anyway, you want to deny what’s happening because in the absence of a third party, it’s “you said, they said” and so you think it’s “all in your head” because it feels so alien reporting a parent who gave you life and was your provider all those years.
You have to report this - and maybe, if you are so anxious and full of guilt, you report it to an adult or to to a friend of that parent.
But report it?? You must. You have no choice.
How old are you and how long has this been going on? Do you have siblings…if so are they treated the same? Is there another parental figure in your home or just your mom? I don't think there is much acceptance for spanking by most people these days (I've personally always believed it to be both wrong and ineffective) but even if your mother believes in that form of "Discipline"…slapping DOES NOT fall within the category of corporal punishment-it happens when a person strikes out due to uncontrollable rage and is an abuse of authority.
Is this typical behavior for your mom or does she switch from being reasonable to abusive? If this is going on and she's NOT using drugs or alcohol, and if her moods flip flop around, your mom may have borderline (or a related) personality disorder. If you are a single child and your mother is a single parent…that would mean there's no other figure of authority whom she needs to answer to and so is allowed to abuse you without repercussion.
I would advise you to let another adult know what's going on…preferably an extended family member if there is one that is responsible and that you trust. The problem with getting child protective services involved is that, unfortunately, CPS and family courts can be incompetent and often create a situation worse than the original one. You might also ask your mom if you can start seeing a therapist for your own personal needs.
Whatever you decide to do, know that this is abuse and the abuser is in the wrong- no matter what she says to you. It is not fair that your childhood and adolescence is being tainted this way…work to build emotional strength and do not allow her to crush your spirit or perception of yourself. Remind yourself often that you are not a reflection of your mother and know that you don't deserve to be hit or verbally abused…no matter what and no matter what explanation she gives-Because nobody does.
I don't know how old you are but you will be grown and on your own before too long…it may seem like forever away, but you will be able to start life on your own eventually and interact with your mother on YOUR terms. When you are old enough to move out and are living the next chapter of your life…NEVER allow anyone to lay their hands on you. Because you're exposed to this now it's important that you make a vow to yourself: that you will not accept abuse in any of the future relationships you will have in your lifetime.
Go to your room. Cry until you can’t anymore. Exercise to let your anger out. Grow older and move out of your mother’s house. Complete your education. Go to college if you want or train for a trade in what ever you want.
Work while in school. Save up for an apartment and move out. You don’t have to take anyone’s abuse. If you have some good friends you can move out with them. People have done it before you and have been able to deal with life. What ever you do don’t insult your mother or anyone. Just deal with your sadness until you are able to leave.
When you get the time go to see a counselor for depression. It’s not easy to get over abuse that easy. So you may need some help. Search for some help.
Ask you mother this question, if you feel comfortable doing so. If you don’t, then you must speak to another adult who may help you. First give your Mom an opportunity to change her ways. If she gets angry and slaps you or yells at you, please seek out help from a teacher, pastor, family friend… but someone. You need to do this as soon as possible. This is abuse and it has to stop.NOW!
Open Forum Community
Post Your Forum!